I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Buhtt sex?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
