It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
