just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
