Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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