so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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