Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
