Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
