actually, I'm a sock model
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
