im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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