I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
worst night to have a conscience
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize