I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
