I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
