be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Randomize
