Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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