I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
