Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We are two peas in an std pod
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
