i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
