Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
