THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
