oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
