i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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