If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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