On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
