i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize