I wish I only lived at night.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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