Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
