If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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