I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
