when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
