Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
