i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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