Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
