Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
