Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
