she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
