You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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