Dual....:-)
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can feel your judgement through the phone
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
