my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
