I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
