Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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