MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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