i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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