I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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