Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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