i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Small penises have feelings too.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
