C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
