Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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