"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize