There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sober January is a disaster.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
