So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
