I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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