just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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