Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
