My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
