what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
