We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize