we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
