Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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