I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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