its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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