Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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