There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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