Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
