I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
