Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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