I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
