he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
