New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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