It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize