All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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