my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We have so much sex to catch up on
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
