Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
