Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm always down for nudity.
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