u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
