Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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