I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
