im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
