Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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