just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My life is pants optional.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
