I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
