I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
