Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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