I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
