So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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