I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you never un-have a 4some
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
