So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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