I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Betty ford says i'm here all night
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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