Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
