just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
