Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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