Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just want to make out with him forever
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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