shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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