Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
