My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i dont even know how to be here
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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