Cold hands, warm shart.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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