I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Btw I puked in your glovebox
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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