I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
