i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize