Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
