I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
