if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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