So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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