I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
