ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Never joke about your clitoris.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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