I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
