WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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