Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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