You really coming over, don't trick.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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